Let's Not Give Up Life, Even if it's Expendable
by Asuraum
Summary: Jack's having a rough time coping with his immortal life. Needs something to relieve the stress. - JANTO ONE-SHOT


**One-shot Janto fic. Just wrote it up quickly to deal with some feelings of my own. Not my best work, but if anyone likes angst- Here it is. WARNING: Suicide attempt**

* * *

He sighed. He'd lost track of how many times he'd sighed, just in the past hour. He was exhausted; physically and mentally, which was a rare occurrence for Captain Jack Harkness. If he didn't have a caffeine boost soon he might just start ripping his hair out of his head. He thumped his elbows on the desk and let his head fall into his hands. He recognized the growing need that had arisen in his gun earlier that day, which had continued to grow until it almost made him nauseous. It was the urge for the sweet moment of nothingness. Death.

Once the notion crept into his thoughts, it wouldn't stop eating at him. He sat there for at least ten minute when he growled lowly in frustration and pushed up quickly from his chair. His eyes darted to his watch. 5:30 AM. The team for at least another couple of hours. And it was still dark out. He had time. He left his greatcoat behind, making his way towards the exit. He didn't want it to stain. Soon, he was walking with swift footsteps across the boardwalk and into the quiet city. Everything went by in a blur until he found himself at the top one of his favorite buildings. He remembered all the times he came up here just to think or clear his head. He didn't have an intention for either of those this time.

Once he stepped up on the ledge, his senses returned to him, and he stared down at the ground for a moment, before looking up, towards where he knew the hub was. There was still time. Glancing around at the streets, he found no one in sight to witness anything he was about to do.

Jack closed his eyes, lifting one foot and stepping forward. He could feel the wind whipping through his hair, pulling at his clothes. Chilling his skin. The wind was rushing in his ears, blocking out any other noises of city life and soon enough, he found sweet, black relief on the concrete of the alleyway.

* * *

Life surged back to Jack and he lunged forward, reaching out for something- anything to cling to. He was surprised when his hands found soft fabric. A warm presence. A pair of strong arms wrapped around him.

_Shit. _He thought. _Someone saw. Retcon will have to do, I suppose…_

But then he heard something he hadn't expected. A familiar voice – thickened with a mixture of emotions. Worry was most evident.

"Jack? Jack, can you hear me?"

_Ianto._

Jack coughed a little, regaining his breath, and opened his eyes again. The Welshman's round face was staring down at him in concern.

"I'm fine…" Jack sighed, speaking quietly as he pushed himself up, leaving his lovers embrace.

"Jack, what happened? I was coming in early and I saw you fall. Was there something up there? Weevils?" Ianto glanced at the rooftop where Jack had fallen.

"No… Just me…" He mumbled, standing up.

His eyes shifted down, observing the still wet blood covering the concrete. His could feel it's stickiness in his hair and soaked into his shirt.

"What do you mean it was just you?" Ianto stared at him with wide eyes. He was worried of what Jack was trying to tell him.

"It was just me." Jack gritted his teeth and began to walk out of the alley, to which Ianto followed him closely, his features creased in concern.

"Jack – Did you-?" Ianto started, frowning as Jack picked up speed, already in the open space and stepping onto the invisible lift. Ianto quickly hoped on with him. Jack remained silent, trying to ignore Ianto's piercing gaze on him. Once they were low enough, he jumped off of the lift, taking long strides in order to reach his office.

"Jack, why did you fall off the building?" Ianto called after him desperately.

Jack whipped around, his features contorting in something close to anger and anguish. "Because I killed myself!" He yelled.

Ianto stood stunned. "You-You committed suicide?"

"Yes! I stepped off of that building on my own – And I died with the desire to." His voice gradually lowered, sounding more choked than anything now. He noted that Ianto's eyes were shining – probably with tears.

"Why?" Ianto asked quietly, taking a step forward.

"Because I'm just… I'm tired of everything. Tired of not being able to die. God, if I could die- If I could become mortal." He closed his eyes tightly, overwhelmed in thoughts and feeling.

Not even a few seconds had passed before he felt warm arms wrap tightly around him and he found himself dissolving into tears. Quiet ones of course. His arms came around Ianto's chest and he hugged the Welshman closely. Both fell slowly to their knees, clinging to one another. After a minute, Ianto pulled back and pressed a gentle kiss on Jack's forehead, his hand coming to Jack's cheek, his thumb stroking the skin slowly. His own cheeks were shining with moisture.

"Jack, please, _please_, just talk to me next time. Seeing you jump – It was terrifying. Promise you'll call, or come over? I don't care if I'm asleep or it's the middle of the night. Just call, okay?" Ianto whispered, his eyes locking with Jacks as they came up to meet his.

Slowly, Jack nodded, wiping his face dry and cleared his throat. "Promise…"

"Good." He smiled lightly, then pressed his lips gently to Jack's.

It grew a little more loving, before the two broke away and Ianto rested his forehead on Jacks.

"I love you, Jack." He whispered.

"Love you too…" Jack murmured back through a small smile. He felt safe. The overwhelming feeling had disappeared and he was at peace now. As long as he had his Ianto, he'd be fine.


End file.
